Sedated

The sun will shine again.

2009-08-31T07:06:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted anything of substance lately so I thought I would put up some pictures of whats been going on in my life. I've made lots of new friends, and remade friends with people I haven't seen in years. This summer I went to Ottawa, flew in a biplane, went camping in dunnville, and hung out on a farm or two, I hope you enjoy :)

Waste of FUCKING TIME!

2009-08-25T16:49:00.000-07:00

I'm fucking tired of having to deal with people. I'm so selfish but I cant help thinking that people who "love me" arent fucking certain disgusting fucking people.

I dont get why I'm so mad now, I hate myself.

fml.

2009-07-14T05:16:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm having a midlife crisis...

2009-05-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

I woke up today at almost 4pm wondering where the day had gone. It was hot as fuck out and I felt like a bag of shit. For the rest of the day I spent contemplating my life and now here I sit, writing this blog, and still unsure about going out for that cigarette.

I decided today that I am going to go to massage school. I've toyed with the idea of helping people when in pain and if I'm not fit to do that mentally then maybe I'm fit to do it physically.

I find I go through my live judging every ones covers and not their insides, if I could be a shiatsu masseuse I can help people feel mentally better through physical contact. Besides, I've heard I'm good at massages.

I feel like I need to do things more...dramatically in my life. I need to speak up when I want to be heard, be bold, be manipulative, claw my way up...to just be...that person who I want to be.

Some days it feels like my head could explode, and other days I feel absolutely nothing. I could wake up, go to work, and not give a goddamn about succeeding that day...
No...I don't believe in God...I think it's just all totally random...yeah, we live, we die, ultimately nothing means anything. How can I live like that? I don't know...sometimes I wake up so fucking empty I wish I'd never been born, but, what choice do I have.

Toronto Freedom Festival

2009-05-12T16:52:00.001-07:00

TORONTO FREEDOM FESTIVAL 2009

Permafuck: A Journal of Spirit Rape ♥

2009-04-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

So I figured I would upload a few new pictures of me and my animals, I hope you like them

Floppy my kitty
Sammy my bunny
Sammy and I chillin

Sammy the Bunny

2009-04-18T03:57:00.000-07:00

Pictures of my new bunny Sammy who's 6.

Ye ye woah woah

2009-04-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

We took the kitties out for a playday last week, Rufus wasn't feeling very good and we figured the warm sun and grass would help him feel better. So these are a few pictures from the playday with Shadow, Emily and Rufus.

Hackysack Insanity

2009-04-04T09:44:00.000-07:00

Charlie and Louis hackysackin, bustin' it out oldschool

Total BULLSHIT

2009-04-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

Let me take a moment to say I HATE CHRISTIANITY! Why? Because of shit like this. I feel fucking sorry for every Christian person on this planet for being sucked into this morbidly bankrupt disgusting thing since the beginning of time. How are you all so STUPID?!

If you decide to quit fapping, The LDS Church has a series of Pro-tips on doing so:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal washing and using the bathroom.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company, especially when you are feeling particularly weak.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.

4. After you bathe, don't admire yourself in the mirror. Stay in the shower just long enough to clean yourself. Then dry off and GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

5. When in bed (especially if that is where you masturbate), wear pajamas or other clothes so that you cannot easily touch yourself (and so that it would be difficult to remove those clothes. The time it takes to remove your clothing gives additional time to control your thinking and overcome the temptation).

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED!snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak. Go into the kitchen and make a

7. Never look at pornography on the internet or elsewhere. Never read about your problem (even on sites claiming to be "educational"). Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books, scriptures, talks of church leaders. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.

9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for members of your family who need help. Pray for your friends, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVEN IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT OUT of your mind! The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.

As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of these suggestions. Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.

Here are some additional suggestions that have proven helpful for others who have successfully overcome masturbation:

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.

2. Exercise daily. Exercise reduces emotional tension and depression and is absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

4. If you ever do give in, don't give up. The worst thing you can do is say "Oh well, I screwed up, I guess I'll stop trying". Simply get back on track and don't look back. Until you commit yourself to never do it again you will always be open to temptation.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.

7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act. It sounds goofy, but it actually works!

12. During your bathroom and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open. Enough to keep from being totally alone, but still giving adequate privacy. Take cool, brief showers.

13. Get out of bed immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

14. Keep your bladder empty. Believe it or not, having a full bladder can cause you to feel sexually stimulated. As strange as it sounds you may find that going to the bathroom often makes it easier to refrain from masturbating.

16. Always wear pajamas at night (preferably ones that tie or are difficult to open).

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or websites that create sexual excitement.

18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Bible, for example, held firmly in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.

20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A dollar in a jar for every day you don't masturbate. At the end of the month you can buy something you like. If you don't make it to the end of the month, donate the money in the jar to charity - this one works quite well. Original Content can be viewed here

Illness

2009-04-02T08:28:00.000-07:00

On a declivity of mine I disentangle these feelings, these fears, but they have yet to disentangle whats inside my head. What I mean by all of it and why I did it. I hear nurses late at night describe it as...ferocity towards a fellow human being. They are dubious of my disease, my illness. I demur, day after day from looking out my window, beyond there is no longer my world. I flourish in the pits of my mind where the foliage of my ideas reside within the rue of my illness. I've fallen out with the decorum of modern life and sanity. Or rather I have a disinclination towards it.

Morbidly Showered Cortex Anorexic

2009-04-02T08:23:00.000-07:00

A few days before we stop to see the world end, we eat candy.

Everything always begins when I want to go out at night. Paranoia and delusions start when you walk in the wrong direction. No one knows what you're doing. You go out at night. You all go out at night. We all drank, smoked, felt better. You have no idea why the letters are fucking up. The cool thing to take is pills right now. I don't want any fucking pills. They're all like ohhh have some pills. No fuck you and your pills. Some people don't even know what a pain in the ass it is. I spent an entire night at a boys house. Who was this boy? Why was he so nice? How did I get to his house?! I was tripping. And I didn't take anything. It's like I was tripping on myself&illness.. I don't even know. I don't even remember the last time I went to school. I don't remember the last time I slept. So this boy was obviously my age. I just decided that. After that I booked an entire half day with my Psychologist. We didn't talk much. I might have just sat on the floor. I might have just been scared. I might have just been a lot of things. Maybe I feel better now.

I dono.

I Feel Ugly

2009-03-29T08:54:00.000-07:00

-My name is June;
-I am Russian, I am from Russia;
-I'm an amateur body piercer and avid painter;
-I write a zine called Manage Your Damage;
-I spend hours in bookstores, mostly frequenting K-W bookstore and Uppercase Books;
-In the warmer seasons I tend to be a drifter, you could see me in Guelph one day and Ottawa the next;
-I obsess over JtHM;
-My 3 music interests at the moment are Buck 65, Mary Magdalan and Muse;
-I love independent films and I strive to own film festival collections;
-I watch as much Invader Zim as I can;
-I wear glasses and they is smexy and green;
-I draw a comic called Sheila Quinn which was published in a paper no one ever reads;
-I've become a coffee addict, yet I still avoid hanging in prick coffee shops like Starbucks;
-You'll never see me without my headphones on;
-I read, research and write WAY too much and I love it;
-I'm a recovered drug-addict;
-Recovered meaning I no longer screw around with important things like life;
-I do openly smoke pot though, is it even considered a drug anymore?
-I am into body modification;
-I have piercings all over the place;
-I don't know what I'm looking for anymore...
-Maybe someone to have an intelligent conversation with;

I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be written large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more." -Dorothy Parker

Peace.

2009 Randoms

2009-03-21T11:32:00.000-07:00

Rufus, My therapy Bunny and I :)

Daddy

2009-03-21T09:23:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite poems ever, so I thought I would share it for everyone here. It's written by Sylvia Plath.

You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Daddy, I have had to kill you.
You died before I had time--
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Big as a Frisco seal

And a head in the freakish Atlantic
Where it pours bean green over blue
In the waters off beautiful Nauset.
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.

In the German tongue, in the Polish town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.
My Polack friend

Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.

It stuck in a barb wire snare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.
And the language obscene

An engine, an engine
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna
Are not very pure or true.
With my gipsy ancestress and my weird luck
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.

I have always been scared of you,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo.
And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You--

Not God but a swastika
So black no sky could squeak through.
Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

You stand at the blackboard, daddy,
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the black man who

Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the screw.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.

If I've killed one man, I've killed two--
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There's a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through.

Sylvia Plath

Peace.

My Vanity Has Been Destroyed, This Famine Keeps Me Paranoid.

2009-03-10T21:17:00.000-07:00

School Has Started. Joey Is In University. She's Sick Too. She Got Onto The Basketball Team Last Week. She Hasn't Slept Since Monday. A Boy Broke Her Heart. She's Been Up All Night Studying. Cocaine Binges. Food Purges. Her Anthropology Teacher Hit Her On The Head. She Gives Lame Excuses. This Morning She Woke Up At 7:16am. It's 3:00am Now. She Bought A Magazine. She Bought Some Shoes. The Shoes Make Her Feel Like A Model. Tomorrow She's Dying Her Hair Black. Last Night She Took More Than The Recommended Dose. She Hasn't Taken Her Medication In Days. She's The Only One On Her Basketball Team Who Wears Chucks To Practice. Her Roommate Has A Scary New Girlfriend. The Colour Green Has Become Too Bright.

She Cut Open Her Face.

She Sewed It Back Together.

She Tripped On Her Laces.

And Yet, Somehow, Life Goes On.

And...I'm an addict.

2009-03-10T14:18:00.000-07:00

25 Random Things About Me...

2009-03-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

1. My hair is natural blonde.
2. I'm a space cadet.
3. I smoke weed every day. It's my medicine.
4. I have an addictive personality
5. I enjoy needle drugs, nose drugs, all drugs.
6. I have 3 mental disorders: OCD, MDD, and GAD.
7. I'm a sex addict.
8. I'm BDSM.
9. I pierced my labia myself.
10. I was born a non-virgin.
11. I follow the Karma System.
12. I'm proud to support abortion.
13. I love to protest.
14. I enjoy exposing myself.
15. I can drink rum and coke nonstop.
16. I have trust issues.
17. I'm queen of cocksuckers.
18. I burn bras.
19. I wear glasses because I can't see distance.
20. I'm not afraid to admit I like pink.
21. Am I trying to make me cum?
22. I loathe shaving.
23. People can read my mind.
24. I can't stop making Jew jokes.
25. I hold a grudge for life but cherish friends for ever.

Free Traffic For Your Blog

2009-03-07T10:36:00.000-08:00

Free Traffic For Your Blog

Kristin Stewart Tokes - Everyone Should Read This!

2009-03-04T10:58:00.000-08:00

Kristin Stewart, who's vampire flick Twilight lit up the box office last fall, was spotted on her doorstep in LA sharing a pipe with a friend. Immediately, entertainment blogs speculated whether the 18-year-old actress had hurt her success in Hollywood. But why would that be? She's not driving drunk, she's not doing blow, she's still got her undies on, and she's not acting like an asshole in public. Think about it, people. Peace.

Cheap speed

2009-03-01T14:54:00.000-08:00

I'm compensating for my own selfish desires of falling back into that romance novel so I'm starting this blog. It will be about promotions, my cover girl lifestyles and whatever else I guess I want to talk about.

The twilight book has finally sucked me in, no matter how hard I tried to resist I found myself walking into Chapters, picking it off the shelf and throwing it on the counter. I bought a copy of High Times to even out the stupidity I was feeling.

I'm hooked. I've been reading it non-stop for days and I don't think I will stop.

I want to blow Edward Cullen.

Peace